Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Proverbial Peace Corps Glass

So, do I see it as time here being one-third gone, or two-thirds remaining? It depends on the day. Let me take you through some of my days here and you can see how the rollercoaster I call my life in Honduras works. Here, more it seems than anywhere I have ever been, there definitely is an equal and opposite reaction to every action, I repeat, opposite reaction. That is to say, it seems for every positive there is inevitably a negative.

Recently I had one of those Peace Corps moments, a moment where all of the trouble, training, cold showers, being away from friends and family were so worth it. A group of 12 women approached me when I first arrived here, when I didn’t know much of anything about anything. They had formed an organization with a name, purpose and list of members and filed it with the equivalent of our Secretary of State. Wow, very organized and determined, of course I would try to help such a group. As I found out more about them and about the municipality I work with, the puzzle began fitting together, at least in my mind, I hoped the other involved parties would agree. The women essentially want to start a business to earn money as mostly single mothers. Great, what kind of business I ask, a seemingly simple question right? Visualize large flood gates opening; Sewing, water purification, childcare, tilapia farms, baking, tourism, you name it, and they probably did too. Ok, problem #1, focus. Whittling down these ideas has, to this day not been completely done away with, but we are getting there and they finally decided sewing is what they wanted to pursue. Great, now where do they get the seed capital to start it up? They naturally assumed I, being the one with the white skin, had it in my back pocket, or better yet, I could call my rich uncle who owns the Fortune 500 in the states and it would just be a matter of filling in the amount on the check. One of the biggest obstacles I have here as a Peace Corps volunteer, rebutting the money tree that everyone seems to think exists. My job is developing people, not spitting out money like an ATM. Luckily, being a Municipal Development volunteer, I am well aware of a pocket of funds called ERP funds (Early Reduction of Poverty) with, what do you know, a specific line item for micro-enterprises for single mothers (a mini Peace Corps moment). Naturally I explain the undeniable connection and, to my chagrin, am refuted and informed that they have been trying to get help from the municipality for years to no avail. Firm, but understanding, I laid it out, if they wanted my help we were going have to start on the inside and work our way out seeking funds. First the municipality, then local non-profit organizations, then, if we had to, further to other countries. Begrudgingly, they agreed. Acting as a liaison between the people and the municipality is a natural fit for me, and, lucky for me, part of my job. We all sat down together with the Community Development person in the municipality, Kelly, who agreed to allow the women to put on a presentation to the municipality. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the presentation due to a prior commitment, but they certainly didn’t need me, (Ok, this is it, the big Peace Corps moment), it was a hit and the municipality loved it and agreed to fund them!! And, then, in true Peace Corps fashion, just as quickly as it had come, it went, well kind of. A week later Kelly casually asked, what happened to your girls, they were supposed to get me their solicitation outlining the project with a budget, etc. Ugghhh! All of that and so much more to go and already the follow through is crashing and burning. Ok, they just need a little pick me up, again part of my job. Just in case they were stuck, I scour my resources the whole day and print out some forms on how to write a project, budgeting, etc. I knew the president of the group would be up at the high school selling fruit to the kids at their break time, so I went there. Just as I had suspected, they didn’t know where to go from here, no problem, that’s why I am here. We scheduled a meeting for the following Monday. Six of the twelve women showed up because it was raining, never mind I had the furthest to walk. It’s a good thing that I am a decent facilitator because they were back to discussing other ideas for projects rather than ironing out the details for the sewing gig. Seriously, let’s focus. Back on track we went through the forms I had pulled answering questions about how their sewing project would help the community, the people involved, etc. Then we slid with a screeching halt into the budget portion. They had no idea how much a sewing machine would cost, how much material they would need to sew one purse, how many zippers and buttons they might need. No, problem, I am good at this stuff, that’s why I am here. I suggested they make a list of the things they would need, equipment, material to last a year until they were self-sustaining and anything else they may need. Diligently the list was made and, while we may have hit up Google for such research, they assigned one of the younger members the task of going into La Ceiba (a larger nearby city) the next day to fill in the blanks on their budget. Perfect! They were scheduled to meet with Kelly in two days to turn in the final solicitation. Of course, after attempting to confirm the turn-in date with Kelly she moved the date to the following week, which was actually an advantage; it gave them more time to work. I called the president to relay the new date and told her I wouldn’t be able to make it, but if they had any questions in the meantime to not hesitate to contact me. D day and I was so proud of the women, and of me for doing exactly what a Peace Corps volunteer should be doing, without too much frustration. I went to the high school for some other business and saw the president of the group selling her fruit. Como le fue? (How did it go?) I ask almost giddily. Fijese que (I believe I have explained this expression, but in case some of you missed it, this phrase is almost always followed by some sort of excuse for not having done something) it was raining this morning and I got up late and had to go to town….. (the list goes on, but I will not bore you). Now, take the exact opposite of the beautiful Peace Corps moment I had experienced before and plug that in here as I let out an exasperated sigh. Certainly the disappointment showed on my face; good, it should I thought. I worked really hard and felt extremely let down and I wasn’t shy about letting them know that. She asked me if turning it in tomorrow was Ok and since the municipality also functions on the same mindset I’m sure it was fine but I told her I didn’t know, today was the day and that’s all I know, as I literally threw my hands up in despair..

As you can see, positive and negative effects neatly woven together represent my work here as a Peace Corps volunteer, and this is just one instance. I have similar stories in my artillery, all comprised of both small and significant accomplishments and disappointments alike. Is that how I approached challenges in my past life? I don’t know, the contrast just seems more pronounced here. For now I will concentrate on the positive things amongst some of the angst filled parts like playing in the sand on the beach with some of my favorite kids, teaching my English class, working hard to finally have a functioning high school-community library and playing in the bamboo ridden Lancetilla botanical gardens. In the meantime, I can’t help but wonder,
is the road ahead of me a long one, or not long enough?